Minimus, a marriage license needs to be for the city in which it is performed. The minister or JP always says something to the effect, "By the power vested me by the State of ____, I now pronouce you man and wife (or husband and wife)." You would need to be qualifed in NY if that is where the wedding ceremony will be held.
Sail Away
JoinedPosts by Sail Away
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32
I Was Asked To Perform A Marriage Ceremony But Don't Know I'm Qualified
by minimus inmy girlfriend's daughter and her fiancee asked me to marry them last night.
they live in connecticut and will be married in new york.
i felt honored that i was asked but i don't think i can do it because i am not a clergyman or minister and my u derstanding is that only clergy or judges and lawyers and justice of the peace can perform a wedding ceremony and marry a couple.. does anyone have any information on this subject?
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Question for "apostate" couples.
by 3rdgen inhi everyone!
today i was reminded that just because both of us left the wtbt$ we are not always on the same page.. .
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Sail Away
3rdgen, thanks for this thread. I hope you don't mind if I vent.
I have changed a lot since I left the organization over three years ago. My husband left over thirty years ago and went about living his life, but was not mentally free for all those years. He became a work-a-holic while I raised our children in The Lie. I started challenging him on his indoctrination about a year after I left. He now posts regularly on the ex-JW sub Reddit. I post regularly on the YUKU forum. We often share what we read and post. We don’t often fight over ex-JW issues, but do have heated discussions.
My husband and I went to marriage counseling for several months until I pulled the plug. The counselor agreed that we were getting absolutely nowhere. My husband grew up with the WTB$ vilifying therapists and psychiatrists. He doesn’t value the process. I had to educate our therapist about JW doctrine. He was shocked by this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Wqzc2M8_MBA
I want an equal say in my marriage; I want transparency in communication and I want emotional intimacy. Early on in the process the therapist was able to identify that these things are missing in our marriage. The therapist gently and repeatedly cautioned my husband to be careful, that he was in jeopardy of losing his marriage unless he is willing to change.
The therapist told my husband that I am growing; I am becoming empowered. I am no longer depressed and in the role of the identified patient. We have discussed joint decision making and a more “democratic” marriage with little movement in that arena. I still struggle with knowing that my say is of value and carries equal weight. I second guess myself, my thoughts and feelings and my goals. My husband still believes someone in the family has to make the final decisions, and that is his role. He is strongly opinionated, and I have to fight to be heard. It is exhausting and at times demeaning.
The therapist stated that we have “strong ideological issues”, and that is true. The “theocratic warfare” mindset sickens me. My husband is willing to bend the truth and withhold information if it suits his purpose. I am of the opinion that the members of the GB know it is all a lie. My husband believes that they are lifers who have worked their way up the ladder as true believers. My husband accepts that he was unable to go to college. He likely would have pursued a career in science, but instead became a self-taught computer consultant. I am angry that I turned down a full college scholarship to ”full-time pioneer where the need was great” and that uninformed choice now limits what I can do with my life. College is no longer affordable to be as my husband is very near to retirement. My husband is thankful that he was a full-time pioneer and was exempted from going to Vietnam. Terry’s imprisonment and his treatment there makes me weep. I have no words for that. My husband went to Bethel, but was pretty much an outsider who did his own thing. He didn't last long (2 1/2 years) and didn't see anything there that troubled him. The fact that my in-laws shun my husband and children and yet they forgive a pedophile because “Jehovah forgives him” infuriates me. My husband makes excuses for them. I hold our local elders accountable for the way they handled things after our son’s suicide attempt. My husband’s exit was purely due to doctrinal matters. Mine was both doctrinal and highly personal. There is so much more.
The therapist asked my husband if he was willing to be vulnerable with me, to let me in and talk about his feelings with me. His answer—“No. I am not a woman. Feelings change all the time. I’m not going to talk about every little thing that bothers me. If something big comes up, I’ll let her know before I make any decisions.” All right then. At times we are both angry and confused. Neither one of us is really happy. I have hit the wall. Starting over at 56 years of age is terrifying. Living this slow death for the rest of the time I have on this planet is equally terrifying. That being said, we have stayed together this long, and I don’t want the filthy cult to win. I've read of other ex-JW marriages that have failed. I often wonder why and if they were struggling with similar issues.
Our adult children are both of the opinion that our JW life is in the past. They don’t want to talk about it and think we should move on with our lives. I am happy that they got out as young adults and have been able to build happy and productive lives for themselves, but I don’t think they understand the impact of a lifetime of indoctrination.
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New development in my life
by EdenOne inno longer a ms ........................... can't give details atm, for it might be a dead-giveaway and it ain't quite over yet.
but, it really taught me one thing: if you're trying to fade or stay in, trust no one.
and i mean no one.. eden.
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Sail Away
(((EdenOne))), What a beautiful poem! Stay strong! You have your family with you-- that's all that matters! Do you really need to attend the JC? Why put yourself through that?
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Why I Refuse to Accept the term APOSTATE
by Black Man inbeen going back in forth with my mom (who is a longtime pioneer and dyed-in-the-wool jw) about the term apostate.
she has labeled me one because of my fading and because i stopped attending meetings a few years ago.
i told her that i refuse to accept the term apostate because its a lazy way for the wts to not deal with dissenters and address why people are leaving this organization in droves.
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Sail Away
I was baptized in 1976, so I was not baptized "in association with God's spirit-directed organization" as Jehovah's Witnesses are today. My decision as a child (I was sixteen at the time and not legally old enough to enter into a lifelong contract.) had nothing to do with the "governing body", now self-proclaimed "faithful and discreet slave class" who are making up the rules as they go along today.
I agree with Phizzy; the religion that I chose as a child no longer exists. I also agree with DATA-DOG, I owe nothing to the men who lied to me and made up this religion and its crazy doctrines. If the members of a bogus religon turned cult want to call me an apostate, they are free to do so. To my way of thinking it's no different than an inmate in an insane asylum calling names. It means absolutely nothing.
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The Resurrection Hope - Does It Help or Slow Down Grieving?
by usualusername ini think the resurrection hope really really messes up people.. .
at some funerals i have not seen a tear shed.. .
could grieving be interpreted as a lack of faith?.
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Sail Away
For me the resurrection hope kept me from greiving in a healthy way. I didn't realize that I hadn't greived the loss of my 22-year-old DIL to cancer until spring of the year following my exit from the organization. G celebrated spring with the arrival of the street sweepers each year. She also died in the spring. It all hit me so hard that first year out. My therapist had me write a letter to her to say all the things I didn't get to say. This year I planted a flowering tree in G's memory and buried the letter with the roots of the tree. It gets a little easier, and the fond memories surface more often than the sad ones now.
It is now six years after her early death, and I just spent the day with her sorta JW mom. G's mom has been phyically out for at least 10 years now, but she is still fully indoctrinated and guilt ridden. On one hand, I would not want to rob her of the hope that her daughter will one day live again, but on the other hand, the mom doesn't believe she is worthy of living in the "new system" herself. G's dad just died young (54), only 6 weeks after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The woman is thoroughly messed up.
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Same Story-- New User Name
by Sail Away inhttp://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/268017/1/interview-with-an-apostate-rubadubdub.
i chose a new user name that reflects my life and attitude more accurately.
rubadubdub fit better when i was first exiting.
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Sail Away
Phizzy, Congrats on becoming grandparents! We are over-the-moon excited! Our daughter still teaches in Guatemala City, so we have flights arranged for a visit to meet our first grandson in February!
We have had three proper Christmas celebrations so far-- each special in its own way. Our first Christmas was in Guatemala. We met our now son-in-law. He put up a Christmas tree just for me! My daughter told him I had not celebrated Christmas since I was eight years old. What a way to warm a future MIL's heart! We traveled to Antigua and Lake Atitlan. The countryside is gorgeous! Lake Atitlan is surrounded by volcanoes. They celebrate Christmas in Guatemala by dressing up as super heroes and dancing in the public squares! Santa arrived on a fire engine.
Our second Christmas was here in New England at home. I got to experience all the drama of an extended family Christmas. Enough said! LOL!
Our third Christmas was in Guatemala again-- a week in the city and a week on the Rio Dulce on an island in a tropical rain forest. Our son joined us, so it was especially wonderful. It was a mother's dream Christmas to be sure!
Phizzy, I hope you have a wonderful celebration!
Some of the best user names are initials! CTRWTF!
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Same Story-- New User Name
by Sail Away inhttp://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/268017/1/interview-with-an-apostate-rubadubdub.
i chose a new user name that reflects my life and attitude more accurately.
rubadubdub fit better when i was first exiting.
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Sail Away
http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/268017/1/Interview-with-an-Apostate-Rubadubdub
I chose a new user name that reflects my life and attitude more accurately. Rubadubdub fit better when I was first exiting. Now, over three years after walking away, life is good and continues to get better! We are going to be grandparents! Our daughter is six months pregnant with a little boy! We are heading down to the Annapolis Boat Show this week to visit our son. If anyone lives in the Annapolis area, please PM me-- I'd love to meet you!
Sail Away
PS My JW exit to-do list has grown to 48! I think of it as my "50 Ways to Leave a Cult" List!
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2014 JW News!
by Atlantis inthese posts came from a jw website.. .2014, new pocket size bible.. .it was released today the small pocket bible in english at the.... .keep seeking first god's kingdom audio.. .2014 regional convention 'keep seeking first god's kingdom!
' audio recorded on august 22-24, 2014 at twickenham, london, united kingdom.. .. new governing body committees lists.. .new governing body committees announced.
info released today at.... .. witnesses in ebola areas..witnesses in liberia many brothers ask us about our situation in.... .. 2014 jw broadcasting tv station.. .private tour of the new jw broadcasting tv station!!
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Sail Away
Did anyone notice the JW (easy) button in those links? The marketing department is at it again! -
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Is the AGM today?
by hamsterbait inanybody going or who can give us the noolite hot from the gb a$$?.
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Sail Away
Absolum, my husband is a computer consultant. He says they may be able to track your IP address through their router and identify you. Use your own data plan; it's safer!
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THE GRAND APOSTATE "WALKOUT" - January 1, 2015
by RagingBull inafter knowing ttatt for many years now...i had made up my mind long ago that after 2014, i would no-longer subject myself to the boredom, pain, and frustration of following this cult...the wt...the borg.. so...i made up my mind that since the wtbts/gb makes such a big deal as to the "significance" of the year 1914 and this year 2014, there can be no greater time for me to leave it all behind.
i daydreamed of how awesome and telling it would be if everyone that could ( because i do know that some have personal circumstances of their own, as i did too) would just .... walkout...never to attend/step foot in a kingdom hall from that moment on.. independence day of sorts?
there is too much evidence, too many videos, blogs, books, news reports and lawsuits for me to keep lying to myself.
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Sail Away
berrygerry:
I feel fully CONFIDENT and COMFORTABLE in just quitting SUDDENLY. Personally I feel this will have the biggest impact.
That is a great idea. Shaking hands and saying goodbye without yet being DA'd/DF'd would be memorable for those to whom you do so.
Congrats on planning your personal Independence Day, Raging Bull! Mine was July 4, 2011. For those who are ready to walk away, why not consider October 5th? Right after the Annual Meeting just say your good-byes and take your leave.
Did anyone notice the JW (easy) button in those links? The marketing department is at it again!